


getting high (isn't worth the while—but it is)

by tyomawrites



Series: put your loving hands out (i'm begging) [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Multi, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17821694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyomawrites/pseuds/tyomawrites
Summary: Klaus just needs drown everything out, needs to drown everything in his life out.





	getting high (isn't worth the while—but it is)

 

It’s not like his adoptive siblings are fond of him getting high, but he likes it, and it’s a sweet relief that has him lost in the clouds so he doesn’t get lost in his head. It’s a bit like torture in some way, he goes through a vicious cycle where he panics, spends his cash, gets high and passes out with dried tear tracks down his face.

Klaus starts out sweet, he’s young, his momma says, boys will be boys, she likes to say to him. She loves him, unconditionally, maybe it’s not real, but it feels real, and it’s how Klaus learns to love. Unconditional, full, unending. He’s always ever been the emotional one, the only one who is willing to open himself up to more than their father’s love. 

The first time Klaus gets high, it’s when he sneaks out to meet a guy that he met on the street.Tall, dark haired like him with eyeliner streaked across his eyes, it’s love at first sight, Klaus has known him for less than a week and he’s already in love, and it’s so far removed from anyone in his fucked up dysfunctional and his delusional family that he can just let go. 

John, the guy’s name is John. John rolls a few blunts, holds them to his lips and when they’re both giggling and their eyeliner is streaking down his cheeks when John pulls him in to shotgun a breath of smoke. Then they’re kissing and kissing and then John is slipping something into his mouth and then he’s floating so so high. John holds him and touches him and wrings moans out of him while they’re both absolutely fucked up and nothing is wrong with that. 

He gets high to block out the screaming in his ears and the people that yell at him. He stumbles home with his shirt half open and his jacket askew. His boots aren’t entirely laced up and he trips on his shoelaces countless of times before he manages to reach home. He doesn’t knock on the door, waking up mom would hurt her feelings and also, she would see what he looks like with his face tear streaked and his eyes pinned and hickies that span the length of his pale throat.

His only option really, is to climb, up to his room and hope for the best he doesn’t fall and impale himself on the fence, only, by the time he gets his foot out on one of the ledges, Luther is peering out the window. Luther sneaks down to the front door and ends up carrying him bridal style up to his room. He clings to Luther, watches him grunt with blurry eyes while he gets lifted up the stairs.

Luther tucks him into bed and brushes his hair out of his eyes and cleans the runs of mascara and eyeliner off his cheeks. He lets his fingers run over Luther’s arms, touches him, curls his fingers into him and holds him. He whines when Luther pulls away, needy and high pitched and sounds half like a sob and then Luther is back by his side and scratching his fingers into his hair. 

Klaus curls around him, like a cat, and Luther pulls him into his lap and cradles him. He nuzzles into Luther’s throat and hugs him. Luther’s warm and feels safe, his head is fuzzy but he remembers falling asleep in Luther’s hold and actually feeling safe for once in his life.

Now, now Luther hates him. Luther stopped carrying him to bed a long time ago, once they hit seventeen and he was out later and later and started coming home so incoherent that he could barely recognize Luther’s voice. Klaus is drunk, stoned, wasted and is haunted by his brother’s ghost hovering over him. He drowns out everything in his mind by floating and finds a solace from the family he loves. 

He loved Ben first. Ben is sweet, precious, Ben is the best out of all of them, nothing like them. He’s not angry like Diego, self centred like Allison is, not quiet like Vanya, and not as perfect as Luther is. Ben loved him for everything and nothing, looked out for him and treated him like he was something beautiful when he was not.

But now, Ben is gone and then his brothers and sisters can’t stand his behaviour, and not even Luther, who looks after him, Luther who looks and looks, his looks. Luther looks at him with disgust and anger and disdain and Luther hates what he’s become. Luther who he loves, despises him. 

Klaus can’t help it. Whenever he’s high he’ll stare at the moon and wave, he’ll beg and cry out for Luther to come home so he can truly, feel safe. And then dad dies, and Luther comes home.

He’s high when he looks at Luther, but Luther just looks exactly like he thought he would. He’s filled out in his shoulders and chest, and when Luther grabs him again and shakes him, he feels Luther’s strength in hands and he’s falling again, like the first time he gets high. Then Luther drops him to the ground, and he floats inside his head.

He loves Luther. Luther has never really been his  _ friend _ , he was closer to Allison but Klaus, Klaus has only ever really felt safe with Luther. Dad is dead and Klaus slips into Luther’s room in the dead of night and curls up like a cat at the foot of Luther’s bed and tries to leach warmth from Luther’s form. He’s still, awake, when Luther wakes up and jumps at the sight of him, but he’s drowsy and his head is still floating when Luther drags him by his arms and settles Klaus down into his bed.

Luther is, gentle. Surprisingly gentle when he scratches his fingers into the hair behind his ear, affectionately. He stretches out on the bed, buries his face into Luther’s pillow and inhales his scent and Luther’s scratching continues.

Klaus missed, still misses Luther even though Luther is right next to him and he reaches out with one hand, grabs onto Luther’s thigh and just drags Luther closer. Luther stops scratching, stops dragging his fingers through his hair, Luther leaves him be and he curls into Luther’s bed and clutches onto Luther’s blankets and breathes in as much as he can.

The pills in his pocket rattle when he shifts, and it’s like a siren song for him.

He loves Luther, and he brings himself to love his family because that’s what love, and love is love. He loves the high that pills bring him even more, because they drown out everything in his head. Surrounded by family, even the sharp jabs can’t bring him comfort anymore. He lets the pills take him home.


End file.
